


What We Had And What Became Of It

by rekiwi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating Iwaizumi Hajime, Deaf Sawamura Daichi, I do not proofread we ride or die bitches, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru break up, M/M, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Oikawa Tooru/Kuroo Tetsuro comfort, POV Oikawa Tooru, Suna is there because I love him, english is not my first language forgive me, i listened to cigarettes after sex while writing this might want to check that out for the vibe, iwaoi angst, this started as a 4 am rant now i have an ao3 account
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:02:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28956885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rekiwi/pseuds/rekiwi
Summary: Oikawa hadn't gone outside his bedroom - hell, his BED - for days after Iwaizumi finally put an end to their relationship. Two and a half years - was he even worth something to him?But after he'd run out of food he was forced to go outside. And maybe tell his friends that he was still alive.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Iwaizumi Hajime, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou & Suna Rintarou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Oikawa Tooru, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou, Oikawa Tooru/A Broken Heart
Comments: 10
Kudos: 41





	1. Like Hell I Would Forgive You

An alarm beeped.  
Oikawa grunted, smacking his blanket out of his face – which made the sun shine directly into it. He moaned in pain and turned towards the wall of his bedroom that he had cuddled against during the night. The side where Iwaizumi had slept every day for so many months. Two and a half years to be exact. The faint smell of Iwa’s bodywash still clung to the cloth of the pillow and parts of the blanket. Oikawa inhaled deeply. God, how much he missed him.

How much he missed the time they’d spent together. His laugh. The way he laughed at him when he did something clumsy. Or the way he got jealous of how Oikawa had to spend more attention to his fans than him when they got recognized in public.  
He sighed.  
There was no way that he would get this back again, ever.  
The first time he was able to tell that it had changed, their relationship.  
The first time he realised that he was the one who loved more. Too much.

The world already got to know about their breakup. It was the first thing Iwa had done the day after they parted ways. After he got his most important things and crashed at someone else’s place.  
Someone he had been talking to.  
An expression of disgust appeared on Oikawa’s face that went away just as quickly. He shook his head; he wasn’t the one to judge. He was the one that thought they wouldn’t last in the beginning. But he had hoped they would at the end. 

His eyes began to sting. No. He wouldn’t cry now. He told himself that he would move on. From now on, he told himself, he would try to forget that these past two years happened. 

He couldn’t.

\----------

  
Just as he got out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his hair, trying not to slip on the dark tiles of the bathroom, he heard Iwaizumi laugh.  
“Hey, what’s so funny?”, Oikawa tried to ask him as loud as possible through closed doors.  
No answer. 

He must’ve not heard me, Oikawa thought. Curiosity got the best of him, so he hurried up a little, changed into clothes so that he didn’t have to walk around split naked, and got out of the bathroom. The second he did, he wished he never had. 

“’Course I’m free on Saturday. For you always.”  
Short silence, then a laugh again.  
Oikawa immediately froze. What?  
He had to have misunderstood this, right? Right?  
Seconds later he found out that he, in fact, had not.

Trying to hide the mistrust in his expression, he walked into the room that Iwaizumi was in. He was sitting on a chair in front of his computer, supposedly in a call with someone. Talking to them the way he used to talk to Oikawa. Something felt like it caught fire inside of Oikawa and was burning down everything with it, swallowing him whole. No. He can’t let that happen. Not now, not ever. The anger and jealousy that started to boil his insides were demanding to be let outside. To be allowed to be felt.

Iwaizumi still hadn’t noticed him and went on with his conversation happily. Probably thinking that Oikawa was still showering. 

Oikawa’s eyes stung and it felt as if he talked now, he would start to cry immediately, bawling his eyes out without an end in sight. But he had expected it already.  
The way Iwa-chan had been on his phone constantly these past few weeks. He wasn’t even subtle about it.  
The way as soon as he got a notification, he would leave whatever he was doing before; sometimes looking disappointed after checking his phone and sometimes trying to hide a grin. A grin that was exclusively for Oikawa - or used to be, at least.

He’d noticed it one evening when they were cuddling. Until Iwa’s phone buzzed, everything seemed normal. As it had always been. But he basically jumped to his phone in one go after he heard it. And didn’t come back.  
He’d just sat there, not giving attention to Oikawa at all anymore, completely forgetting about what they had been doing before that.  
From that moment on, he kind of figured, but had always hoped it was something else.  
Now? Standing in this room, Iwaizumi only two meters in front of him, flirting with someone new. Oikawa didn’t figure that Iwa had someone new, he knew. And it hurt. So much.

“I… Iwa-chan?”, Oikawa barely got himself to say something. It was quiet, maybe Iwa-chan didn’t even hear him. This one word he whispered was full of emotions, full of fear. Full of supressed tears.

Oikawa didn’t get a response, but he knew that Iwa had heard him, because now it got completely quiet. The silence that spread in the room, through the apartment, seemingly over the whole world – it was heavy, overwhelming. And enough of an answer.

Iwaizumi was the first one to break the silence. “’Kawa… It’s not-“  
“It’s exactly what it looks like. DON’T pull any shit on me now, Iwa.” Oikawa saw him flinch. “If you want a side chick so bad, go and find someone that tolerates this shit. I’m not going to let cheating slide, Iwaizumi. You know that. No fucking way in hell.”

Iwaizumi stood up and turned around to face Oikawa. “Do you not give me a chance to explain?”  
“No.” Oikawa’s eyes were watery now; he couldn’t make out Iwa’s expression. “What I heard, and saw are explanation enough to me. They make you happier than I do now, don’t they? They make you smile the way you only used to smile at me. The smile I loved so much. The smile I still love so goddamn much.  
You don’t even care when I text you anymore because you’re occupied talking to them.  
You didn’t fucking give a single fuck when I told you I’d be a little late and then came home HOURS after I told you I would come home. You didn’t even fucking notice. You don’t love me anymore, have you ever? Was I ever good enough for you or did you just tolerate me until you’d find someone better? Fuck…” A loud sob, a quiet cry. Salty cheeks. So many tears he meant to not cry.

Secretly, Oikawa had hoped that Iwaizumi would interrupt him, saying that he completely misinterpreted this whole thing and that he would never leave him for anyone else.  


But when Iwaizumi started to talk, his voice was stone cold.  
“Alright. I understand.” That was it at first. No emotion, not the slightest bit of guilt; his voice sounded like he was ordering a pizza in a restaurant that he regularly visited.  
“What do you mean, you understand?”

“I mean that we should break up.”  
And with that, Iwaizumi walked past Oikawa, out of the room in which the air felt too heavy to breathe.

After that, Oikawa didn’t get to register anything more than that Iwaizumi had left after packing his most important stuff. “I’ll come back tomorrow and get the rest then”, he’d said. He didn’t come back. Oikawa felt like he was worth nothing anymore. An old toy that got boring and was thrown away.  
That was probably exactly what he was.

\----------

Oikawa grunted. The memory of this very moment was burnt into his brain and he remembered everything as if it had happened just a few seconds ago. That evening he got some food and a few bottles, so he didn’t die of thirst. He’d rather drowned.

But when he reached for his bag of his favourite milk bread – it was soft and it came in small loafs, perfect for snacks; and also, the only thing he’d been eating for a week – there was only one left. Fuck.  
The bottles that were spread all over his bedroom floor were nearly all empty, too.  
God damn it. He didn’t want to leave his room. But he also didn’t want to die a painful death because he didn’t have anything to eat or drink.

His phone died a few days ago so he wasn’t able to reach anyone. Maybe that was for the better, though. Because Oikawa was sure that if he charged his phone and turned it on again it would probably blow up. Ever since that day he hadn’t talked to anyone anymore. Apparently the cashier at the grocery store was going to be the first one.


	2. Bad First Impressions

Slowly, Oikawa sat up – only to feel a stinging pain shoot through his skull. Damn it. He really needed something to drink. Maybe he could stop by at a pharmacy on his way to the store, too.  
But before that, he decided that it would be better for everyone that was going to be involved if he at least brushed his teeth.  
Wearily he gazed towards his door. Right behind it to the left was the door to the room he hadn’t felt the energy to go into for what felt like forever. He sniffed. After his trip to the outside world, he was surely going to take a shower. A week without proper hygiene didn’t pass unnoticed.  
Honestly, he should just shower now, but thinking about getting up and walking these few steps to his bedroom door already felt like a two-hour workout.  


For the sake of not looking like he just dug his way out of his own grave and decided to go for a walk as a zombie he did drag himself out of his bed and to the sink in his bathroom.  
“God, I look like a piece of shit”, he mumbled while pulling down his lower eyelids by trying to hide his eyebags at least momentarily. His skin was oily, and he desperately needed to shave – it was the first time he’d ever have to actually do it. His facial hair wasn’t exactly growing a lot – or existing. Now there were a few spots of brown hair spread all over his cheeks.  
I’m going to shave when I shower, he thought. I’ll wear a mask anyway.

Brushing his teeth hurt a little, his teeth seemed to have gotten a little more sensitive. He almost stopped right after he started because the shallow pain had startled him at first, but he fought through it.  
Then he changed into another hoodie and comfortable pants. He was just going to get groceries, no need to dress up. After he put on his socks he looked into his mirror and pointed at it. “YOU are going to be a functioning part of society again. Don’t you dare live like a hermit crab just because an asshole broke your heart, that’s pathetic.” Oikawa let his arm sink. “I should stop talking to myself.”

With a smile he turned around before he was going to go outside. “Do you want any- “, he paused. “…thing, too?”, he then finished quietly. Who was he asking? There was no one here. “I need to let go.”  
After grabbing his mask and a bag for the groceries he finally stepped outside and shut his door. Suddenly he had a weird feeling. Alongside the overwhelm of facing so many things at the once again after completely nothing other than what happened in his room, he also felt like he’d forgotten something. Oikawa shook his head. No way, he had everything with him.

Walking along the street felt refreshing, seeing other people’s faces unpixellated again, hearing the traffic and seeing the birds fly up in the sky. It made Oikawa feel something other than sorrow again. It made him see how much there was to life. Made him wonder how the people passing by were doing and how they ended up where they are now. 

But it was also exhausting. So many impressions – Oikawa wasn’t used to it all anymore. It had only been a week and yet he felt so strange. Overwhelmed.  
Tears made his vision blurry at the thought of how he ended up like this. Quickly he wiped them away. There was no time to cry right now.  
Relief overcame Oikawa once he got to the store. The sudden stop of all the noises around him felt good and the fact that only a few people were inside made it even better. He had expected that more customers would be there around this part of day but apparently not many around on a Thursday. Only one cash register was occupied, and the cashier seemed pretty bored. Now Oikawa only had to find the right aisle. He hadn’t been here for long, not just not since Iwaizumi broke up with him.  
They had rearranged everything, and Oikawa felt disoriented.  


Guessing that they probably didn’t put everything too far from where it used to be, Oikawa headed into the vague direction of where he thought the bread used to be.  
Only to end up surrounded by alcohol bottles. Some of it looked quite tempting, but he was not going to buy it.  
He’d just try to drown his feelings and Oikawa really didn’t want to end up in the hospital or as an addict. He sighed in defeat. Maybe he should just ask instead of wandering around helplessly.  


“Are you looking for anything specific?”, someone behind Oikawa asked. Oikawa flinched and quickly turned around.  
“Uh, yes, actually.” Jeez, he should not have gotten as startled as he did.  
“And… what is it?”, the guy in front of him tilted his head a little. He had narrow green eyes and gave off an intimidating vibe.  
Even though he tried to look friendly, Oikawa could clearly tell that he wanted to do but talk to him. Well, his fault. If he hadn’t approached me, we wouldn’t be walking right now, Oikawa thought.  


“Uh, I need bread, but everything is at another place now and I can’t find anything anymore.” They had completely flipped the layout of the store.  
The just slightly taller guy squinted. “Then you haven’t been here for a while I’m guessing, huh?”, he turned around and walked a few steps, expecting Oikawa to follow. The latter shook his head.  
“No.”  
After Oikawa was shown the right spot and turned away, the employee disappeared into thin air. Oikawa actually still had a question, but as soon as he turned around again no one was there anymore. He shrugged. Whatever.  
He got his milk bread and a few other, healthier things, too, and then he was on his way to the checkout. 

In front of him in line there was a guy that had packed way too much into way too small bags. It looked like everything was going to fall out. Which it did.  
Well, not everything.  
Only a bag of candy fell on the ground while he was putting the rest onto the assembly line. Oikawa quickly bent over to pick it up and give it back.  
“Hey, you lost something”, he said and waited for the other one to react. He did not.  
“Hello?” The short haired guy – he was his age, too – had finished taking everything out of his bag and was now reaching deeper into it.  
Apparently, he noticed that something was missing.  
Why was he ignoring him then?  


Oikawa got impatient and tapped on the guy’s shoulder. “Dude, here it is. It fell down. Here– “  
He snatched it out of his hand and turned around. Not a single word.  
What??  
The impoliteness made Oikawa’s blood boil. “A ‘Thank you’ was too much?”, he asked in an angry tone. “Hey, talk to me.” He tapped his shoulder again. The guy turned around again, annoyed.  


Why is HE the annoyed one now? Oikawa raised his head, making him look down on the one in front of him, making the guy look uneasy. He looked if the line had moved forward and then looked back again. It had not. The cashier went to go get something and hadn’t come back yet.  
“Are you still not going to say anything?” It irritated Oikawa. Maybe he was being an ass about it, but a simple ‘thank you’ would have been nice at least.  
“Dude stop it. You’re making a scene and it really isn’t a big deal”, Oikawa suddenly heard next to him. He immediately halted. It was true, he was getting angry way too fast. It was embarrassing and Oikawa felt his cheeks get warmer.  
He didn’t know why he acted like that all of a sudden.  
There was no reason to at all.  


“I’m sorry, I…”, he muttered and looked down and scolded himself in his thoughts. No way he would let himself take out his anger on someone other than Iwaizumi anymore, because that’s the only one he was angry at. No way in hell.  
Finally he looked to the one that made him snap out of it again. It was another employee.  
“I’m so sorry for troubling you, I don’t know why I just got angry”, Oikawa tried to be as nice as possible. He would normally smile brightly to underline what he said but that was not going to work with a mask on. Also, he was exhausted. He had too much social interaction already, more than he would have liked and more than he expected to have. “I won’t do it again.”  


The employee looked sceptical. “You look like you have it rough right now, so I’ll let it slide. Don’t think you’ll get away that easily if it happens again.” Oikawa nodded. Was he saying that he looked like shit?  
Fair enough I guess, Oikawa thought.  
After one last angry look through the only really visible eye this guy had, he asked Oikawa’s victim if he was alright. But he was whispering it, moving his hands and making sure he was able to see him. What was he doing?  
And then Oikawa realised something that made him feel even more like an asshole.  


Sign language.  


This guy couldn’t have heard him even if he wanted to. Fuck.  
He felt like the worst person on earth. If it even was possible. He didn’t know how to make up to it. The line moved forward; the deaf guy was next. He didn’t even have hearing aids, though. How was Oikawa supposed to know?

I could have figured when he didn’t say anything or even hear me. Jeez, I’m so stupid.  
Then he had an idea – an idea that he had to drop again. He didn’t have his phone with him. It was dead anyway; it wouldn’t have been of much help.  
But the cashier – he knew him, right?  
Well, yes, or he wouldn’t know that he had to talk to him in sign language, duh, Oikawa mocked himself.  
He could contact the guy through him. That was it. The perfect plan.

Oikawa felt guilty when he watched the one in front of him pack up and leave, but he felt even more nervous thinking about what he was about to do. He looked at the black-haired guy.  
He looked pissed off. Oikawa gulped.  


“Hey, um…”, he looked at his name tag. “Kuroo.”  
Said guy looked up. “What is it now? There’s a line waiting, you know.”  
“I was just wondering if you could… give me your number maybe?”  
Kuroo raised an eyebrow and looked amused – but still angry.  
“After what you did to Daichi? No way, dude.” So, he really was his friend.  
Oikawa took a while processing what Kuroo actually said. His cheeks flushed red.  
“That’s not what I meant!”, Oikawa yelled ashamed. “He is the reason I want your number. I want to properly apologize!” Oikawa fidgeted nervously.  
Kuroo looked at him, thinking.  


“We’ll talk once I’m done with this line, it’s only four people so I’ll be done soon. My shift is nearly over, too. Wait somewhere around or stay here in the meantime.”  


Oikawa nodded.  
He got a chance to fix this, so he better not fuck up this time.


End file.
